The Performing Arts

My equation with the performing arts has been interesting.

Vocals

In school I was one of the few boys in my class with half a decent voice to match the girls who actually took singing classes and sang really well. In our annual day functions or parent's day functions it was a done deal to put me in charge of the male alaaps for at least one song. I like singing, but I hated the position I was put in separate from all other boys in the class. The most embarrassing point was when other boys were asked to lip sync the song when I and a few other unfortunate fellows were made to sing it along with daunting collection of half a dozen female class mates who were really good.

My music teacher pleaded with me to keep singing when I left school and reiterated that each time I went back to visit all my teachers. I never did that of course.

Instrumental

Also during school, I was learning to play the "Tabla" - (an Indian classical percussion instrument). This I actually liked. It was very thrilling to provide musical accompaniment for all the school programs. My school principal had even noticed me multiplexing between several instruments during some of these functions and passed on the praise to my teachers. I cleared three exams too ...

... But after learning it for 6 years, I got bored. After playing the same 'Kayda's and 'Rela's over and over again I got bored. It was inevitable. I never did the due practice 'riyaaz' that is essential to not only better one's skill but also to develop a lifelong bond with the instrument. And so, I used the crazy schedule of my 10th standard year as a pretext to let go of my biweekly class.

Dance

Thankfully this is an art form that parents only thrust upon their daughters in India. That I have two left feet would be an understatement. I can't even follow steps cleanly. I think dwelling on this will simply make things worse. Moving on ...

Drama

This is one avenue I thoroughly enjoy. Theater is something that enjoys generous support among Maharashtrian Brahmins. In school I used to eagerly look forward to participating in skits. The number of skits dramatized was lamentable as teachers usually preferred their students to perform a dance or sing a song. I attribute this solely to the fact that it was easier for the teachers to get the girls to perform than it was for the boys in the class.

There were instances though. I got the chance to act and direct our class play in Marathi and when the Principal decreed that we should perform it in English for our Parent's Day (due to an overwhelming presence of regional language performances that year), I got the chance to translate the dialogues and direct it again in English.

In engineering college we did a Marathi play in our second year. We were extremely fortunate to get a director of the caliber of Devendra Pem ("All The Best") work with us novices. The show was a runaway success, but that was it. Didn't get another chance for several years ...

Until recently when I managed to pick up those thread again and got a role in two plays. Found a great bunch of friends along the way as well.

What's next though? With a baby on the way, I can't continue at the same intensity. And after a break will I get another chance? Or even if there is an opportunity will I actually take it? Time will tell ... 

Motivation

During my studying years, I often spent a lot of time during my exam preparations thinking about what I would do in the holidays that came after the exam got done. It used to be a big distraction and I had to consciously guide my mind back to the book. The tragedy, of course, is that I pretty much never ended up accomplishing even a tiny chunk of those grand plans.

As a kid this wasn't expensive. I mean yeah, I was wasting valuable time. By Gods grace I don't think I ever wasted enough time to jeopardize myself. But as I grew older and started working, this tendency morphed into something else. The desire to basically do something else "interesting" than my routine work life is omnipresent. I generally don't bite off more than I can chew, but what I've been chewing into lately no longer comes free.

Take photography for instance. I felt I'm genuinely interested. After using my brother-in-law's DSLR on a trip to New Zealand, I convinced myself that I needed one and that I could inculcate that as a good hobby. However my efforts to back up the purchase have been dismal at best. I mean I took a class to learn the basics. The class had assignments and I genuinely learnt from them. But on a lazy weekend when I have ample opportunity to take the camera out for a photo-walk, I never get off the couch. What good is the DSLR to me if it's most frequent users are my friends who actually use it to do a lot of creative work.

If I start compiling a list, it is non-trivial ... just to name a few

1. The software that I bought to learn Spanish

2. The books that I bought to prepare for GMAT

3. A hardbound copy of the Iliad that I bought after watching Troy ... what was I thinking here!

Motivation is hard to come by ... It is even harder to hold on to I guess. This blog for example. I kicked it off over a year ago with a fancy title and the promise to use this as a channel to vent out my thoughts. I confess that in reality, it was just to give me writing practice for GMAT. But once I dropped the ball on GMAT, I automatically let go of this awesome avenue. 

I get really ticked off when I sit down and analyze everything like this.

Marathi mansaa jagaa ho!!!!!!!

 

Splurges

When I read or hear about folks splurging on luxury vacations I frequently find myself torn by jealousy, admiration and a bit of resignation sometimes all at the same time ...

Having seen my father work hard through my younger days trying to build the life I have today, I am mentally indisposed to splurging in general. I've seen my father conduct endless surveys on pretty much every appliance we thought about purchasing or a vacation that we wanted to undertake during the summer holidays. My mother and I sarcastically called them '5-year plans'. I've seen him rub 10 rupee notes furiously to make sure he accidentally didn't overpay a vegetable vendor. I've seen him bargain passionately to save a pittance. I've seen him flip-flop on a decision to buy a personal computer so many times that I mostly gave up on the dream. It exasperated me when I was a kid and it still does when I hear my mother rant about it.

It no longer makes me angry though. I guess he had his reasons and maybe the environment in which he grew up in imbibed these traits in his character. Knowingly or unknowingly though, some of those attitudes have made an impression somewhere in the recesses of my brain too. Having reached a reasonable point in terms of cash-flow, where the odd splurge shouldn't really be a financial deal-breaker, I still find myself unable to click the OK button so as to speak.

I terribly envy my friends when they go on impromptu vacations or weekend getaways for celebrating their anniversaries or throw random parties for no genuine celebratory reason. I admire their guts to take those decisions. I've heard enough about "You live only once" but it still doesn't pull me out of my reluctance.

Will my own wife and children resent me for this attitude in the future? I'm sure I am a diluted version of my father, but isn't this a new age where companies are building products we never thought we needed? Will I be able to pull off the character of the large-hearted dad/uncle for the next generation or will I be the miserly old penny-pinching crow? Somewhere in the grey area between the two I guess ...